That’s just too much to ask.
Woke up with that in my head. Several nights in a row.
Too much to ask of me – that’s what it really means. I’ve been analyzing it – asking my head what I’m talking about. What I’m being lead through.
What’s too much to ask? Who’s doing the asking?
- Love me with all you’re worth.
- Be open to my needs and help me grow.
- Be vulnerable
- Trust.
That. All that. That’s a lot.
That’s just too much to ask. Each and every one of those is genuinely and remarkably too much to ask. Even without being sure who’s asking.
EACH. EVERY. TOO MUCH.
So who IS asking? Husband? Children? Friends? Students?
God?
Because I believe – though not flawlessly, by any means of description – but I believe that’s what I have done. And do. With all my worth. Throwing caution aside and helping with growth, ups and downs. To do ANY of that, I have to be vulnerable – open – exposed. Impenetrable walls don’t allow for that. Trust? Yeah. Trust I can see. I know I hold it tightly to my chest, my heart – and keep it ransomed to my soul for far too long. But, geez, that was earned. That’s okay. That’ll have to do. BECAUSE these are all too much to ASK.
Ask. That’s what catches me up. I wake up with that thought in my head and realize that NO ONE has ever specifically asked ANY of these from me. If they did – the trust bell would start gonging in my head and I’d miss the request/opportunity full-fledged because I would be running the other way. HARD. (Well, waddling, now. I walk like a weeble.)
That’s all too much to ask. And a list.
And why do I care? I set boundaries. I am pretty comfortable with that. If someone asks something of me that I can’t handle – I deal with it in some way, without fret, concern or review. Yes, no. I’m good. Not a deal.
That’s too much to ask…of me…..wait….
To …… Me.
I’m asking. I’m asking me .
Love me with all you’re worth.
Be open to my needs and help me grow.
Be vulnerable.
Be yourself
Trust.
I’m the one who is audacious enough to ask this. To ask too much. This IS too much to ask, to expect, to seek, to need.
To need. Too much to need.
Damn. With all I’m worth. Open to my needs. Helping myself grow. Continue to be vulnerable. Representing self truly, and in all things. Trust. Trusting?
Seriously?
Okay, that IS a ridiculous amount to ask. Any piece of this. Any portion.
Fine, damn it. Fine. Vulnerable seems to be in control lately, anyways! So off we march. Bring it.
I’ve got this. (Yeah, just me, right? Sheesh)
wanderingoutinleftfield 