There was the boss who was pursuing his Masters in Business Management.  Each term that he was in school, our meeting schedule changed.  Or the hierarchy above us shifted.  Or we found ourselves receiving memos, or personal notes with candy inside, or motivational posters appeared on our doors.  We answered the phone differently, changed the culture of our office, and had mandatory after work parties.  As he learned a new technique – we all tried it on.  I found it exhausting.  And unnecessary – and brutally outed him by taking the dust jacket off of his latest management book and stapling it to his door under the sign:  Method of the Week  Weak!

To be fair to him, he WAS trying to learn.  Unfortunately, he was dredging up a shapeshifting experience from my youth.  Mom.

Mom had a huge collection of self-help books.  I’m Okay – You’re Okay.  Games People Play.  And Psychology Today magazine, to name a few.  She looked for herself.  She searched for us.  She worried and postulated.  She carefully reviewed every suggestion, and initiated all of the steps just as ‘directed’.  In her mind, no, in her heart- the failure that was her life continued in very much the same way that it had been failing all along  And she would lock herself in her room and cry.  They had failed her.  The books, the advice, the psychology, the world.  All of us. All not working.  None of it her fault.

Fast forward to now.  I absolutely love to write, and I write from my experiences.  Not quite a memoir – though my readers are beginning to know who I am – but sharing an experience or two and then tying it together with what I think is a larger thought, a bigger idea.  I enjoy the writing, and the feedback from my readers.  Their enjoyment is my fuel for more.

And I fear.  What if someone is to read my words and try to mimic an idea or a thought that may not even work for them….and end up locked in a room, failed?  So far, I have only allowed myself to share in safe situations and with people that I believe will at least talk with me about what they have read.  What they are thinking.

And yet God is tugging on my heart.

A bit of peace reached me yesterday as I was reading “The Choice to Create” by Jeremy Riddle in Cultivate.  He states:  So if you’re looking for greater clarity as to who you are, who you’ve been designed to be and the influence you’re called to carry in the earth, start creating.  A little further on he states:  I find it so important to remember that the things we create won’t simply lead to a greater understanding of ourselves or open doors of influence, but they carry breakthrough for people’s lives…………..When we realize that our creativity doesn’t simply hold personal breakthrough for our lives, but holds breakthrough for countless others….game over.

Instead of fearing tears in the dark blaming me for the failure of a life — God is leading me to share my words to bring tears of joy as breakthrough comes to a reader who needs to see those words.

And that, my friend, I am certainly up to doing.

06 Mar This entry was published on March 6, 2018 at 1:45 am and is filed under Learning. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.